The Book Gay Fathers, first published in 1981, is a collection of stories and experiences by some of the fathers who originally created the Gay Fathers of Toronto support group in 1978. The stories are their stories, perspectives, and in a couple of instances their families' stories.The names were changed; the stories are true.
Since its original publication profound social changes have occurred in Canada and in many other countries. Many of the laws and social conditions that had a direct and often negative impact on the lifestyles of gay fathers when this book was written have been changed. Indeed, today being gay or bisexual has little relevance to the one's legal rights, protections, or obligations for gay fathers who live in Canada. Sometimes though being gay still has profound social impact on a man and his family, especially in some locales or in some communities.
Notwithstanding the more accepting social climate today, when a man and his family are in transition wondering what lies ahead, the future often feels as uncertain and frightening as it did in 1981. Read the book and understand that. Then, learn how things have changed! The future may be brighter than it seems.
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In 1981 the 3-year-old Gay Fathers of Toronto organization published the book Gay Fathers, thought to be the first book of its kind ever published.
All of the authors were themselves gay fathers who were working through the conflicts of being gay, having children, and finding a way to live in a way that would be true to their desires and their responsibilities as fathers.
It should be noted that references in the book to contact phone numbers and addresses are out of date. For most men the social risks today for gay fathers is much less than in 1981, The emotional fears and strains though often are still the same.
This document is the book's Title Page, Table of Contents, and a commentary "Looking Back, Thirty Years Later" written in 2008.
The Preface and Introduction to GFT's book GAY FATHERS, first published in 1981.
This section explains how and why the book was written and introduces the "author" - a composite of members of Gay Fathers of Toronto, which was barely two years old when the project began.
"David" begins his story "The Better Way" by confronting his needs. He tells his wife, gets divorced, and struggles with learning how to be a gay man. The first part - stage 1 - covers the period in 1979 when changes were central to his life. The 1981 "postscript" explores living a life that finally began to make sense again.
Coming out
This is Terry's coming out story from his early life experiences, through the married years, and finally coming to terms with his sexual orientation.
In "Coming Out to Yourself", the second session of the document, the author writes:
"Coming out has been defined as 'the act of identifying and accepting oneself as a homosexual.' But it is more of a process than an act, although the end of the process may be symbolized by a single, simple act that comes to take on great meaning for the individual. Many of us, for example, have had the experience of trembling before we walked into our first gay meeting."
Coming out to your wife....
For some men this is where their coming out story begins. For others it is one of the last stages and in a few situations, it never occurs. In just about every case, it is an emotionally laden process.
Howard's Tale - told as theatrical productions - covers a lot of issues. It concludes:
"And remember also, if you don't come out, it will. You cannot live a lie forever and be happy, sane, and healthy. Any kind of compromise, any kind of ultimate confrontation, is better than suffering in silence, alone. Anything is better than the guilt, the self-hate, and the bitterness."
